Handbook for the Order of the Dark Wheel

Welcome to the Order of the Dark Wheel! 

All praise the Seven Who Feed, and will bring about the Doom once resurrected!

Please use this digital handbook in order to learn about all the inner workings of the cult. Oh, and remember, in all public documents be sure not to mention the word “cult.” We’re a “social club.”


You’ve obvious seen the ways that humanity has become a cancer to the planet, and you want to pledge your soul (and life) to resurrecting the Seven Who Feed in order to bring about the Doom. That’s the first step to joining the Order! 

You’ve probably either signed up by joining Rick Kitagawa’s Patreon, or by using this sign up form to join

Upon joining, you were asked to fill out an intake form. After you’ve done that, you might need to wait up to 12 hours to check the Ledger of Souls to see how many souls have accrued in your account. Please note Soul Accounting is a manual process for now. If you are a spreadsheet wizard and willing to help automate this, you can definitely earn a hefty chunk of Souls for your dedication to the fold.


Souls are the currency of the Order of the Dark Wheel. After all, we’re working to harvest enough souls to bring about the Doom once the Seven Who Feed have been resurrected. They do, however, have no cash value, and upon leaving the Order, your Souls shall be confiscated and offered to our dark lords.

Souls can be earned through consistent membership to the Order (1 upon sign-up, and 1 every three months of membership), as well as pledging monthly tithes to the Dark Gods through Patreon. Souls can also be accumulated through repeated purchases through the Evil Pin Club shop. Or bought outright, if that’s really what you want to do.


Around the 3-4th of every month, you’ll get an email with the new codeword to the restricted, member’s only site. Depending on the results of crypt robbery, and general procurement of artifacts and artwork, there may or may not be something going on. However, if there are new, exclusive art drops, raffles, or other ways to exchange your balance of Souls, you’ll be the first to know about it, and access will be limited to members.  

A note on raffles: Raffles may or may not happen every month, and there will always be a limit to the number of entries (under 10) each member can get with Souls. This means if you’re an OG Patron, you might not want to just hoard them hoping for a drop that you’ll spend all 666 Souls on. Just wanted to let you know so you can allocate Souls appropriately. 

Souls might sneak into your account if you do things like refer others on social media, leave reviews for products, or other ways to grow the fold. That said, Souls will NEVER sneak out of your account (of course, unless you leave the Order – then your Souls are forfeit). 

Alright, that’s it. That’s the handbook. Now go out there and study up on how to summon our dark lords. You might want to start by picking up a copy of Tender Morsels on Amazon